Well, I’m going to prefer to retain my anonymity which means I must say, about myself, that I am a human being, not unlike you. Like you, I wake and I shower and I break my fast. Like you, I have friends I fiercely love and family I cleave to. Like you, I’m a bit insecure around girls, overconfident when I’m with the guys, needful, at times, of a shoulder to hold onto or a hand to help and often too cowardly to ask for those things.
Writing is my first and truest passion. When I was very young — perhaps 9 or so — I took it up. I used to fill five-subject notebooks year after year with winded SciFi yarns; I lived through my characters and they lived through me. Before I was twenty I had already written millions of words, I’m sure, but there’s no easy way to count. A five subject book has got to be good for some scores of thousands of words and I have ranks of them filled and stacked high as my head. (Very conservatively, lets say some 500 words on a page [front and back] times some 100 pages in a book gives us 50,000 words in each. That’s very conservative, though. Many of the notebooks I have are 200 pages. Mead Five Star Five Subject Notebooks. They’re heavy as hell too, terrible to carry in a bookbag.)
I’m still young, I suppose, though I don’t always feel that way. I’m 29 now and I’ve been through a lot. A lot that most men will never go through, I hope. I lost my way for a long time — more than a decade — and the paths I found often led me to places I didn’t expect to be: jails, institutions and death, as they say. I have, at one point, experienced all three — including death! I’ve been brought back from the brink of an overdose numerous times.
The one constant in my life — once before, through all the benighted trails in dark woods, then today still, and even yet unto the future — has been an unmastered urge to write. I live as if drowning in a surge of creative energy and unless it is watched, shaped, ridden, it has commonly consumed me. It has led me back into the pit and the fire.
I’ve never gone public with much of what I wrote before, so I hope I can learn from this experience. Thank you, oh reader, for the gift of your eyes, your mind and your time while you linger here. I hope it is worth your while.